So life has drastically changed in the last 2 years. My baby is now almost 3 and has been replaced with a new baby, who is almost 1. My world has been shaken, but through it all God has shown himself over and over.
I'll start with the new life, late 2013 we found out we were expecting baby #4. From the beginning I felt like this pregnancy was going to be different. Our insurance had changed and bit and I felt lead to contact a different midwife this time. One who delivers at home, but also has privileges in the hospital incase of a transfer. Turns out that was a good thing, because this sweet little one, who also turned out to be another handsome little boy, came 3 weeks early on 6/25/14. Labor refused to start, so we delivered our sweet boy was born into his daddy's hands in the hospital.
Two weeks after that I was feeling horrible, not new mom horrible, but something else that I had never felt. My midwife sent me for blood work, and my leg had been aching all day, but I thought I pulled a muscle being in the garden to soon after having a new baby. Late that same night I noticed my leg was purple and very swollen... We headed to the emergency room, where we found out I had severe blood clots that were in my legs, pelvis and lungs. We had to make some quick decisions and my new baby received his first bottle that night. I was devastated. Two hospitals and 15 days later I was finally discharged home, and grateful to be alive. Recovery was till long, I couldn't walk unassisted, I couldn't shower on my own, or even get off the toilet. This was a lesson on what marriage really means.
About a week after I arrived home we got word that my husband was being laid off from his job that we thought he would have forever. We lived in staff housing, I was sick, and we had 4 kids ages 7, 5, 2, and newborn.
We started to PRAY. We'd been praying all summer... but for me the loss of a job was almost scarier then blood clots (yeah, I know... dumb right?) We started brainstorming and felt like God was calling J to start his own construction/handyman business. So we packed up, moved our nest off the hill, and back to our tiny house. 850 square feet, 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 ducks and 3 chickens... Oh and the 2 of us as well.
So maybe now that internet is a constant thing, i'll get back to this whole blogging thing once again.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Congratulations on your baby... So your done now, right?
It has been a very interesting few months introducing our precious baby boy to the world. What people have the nerve to say never ceases to amaze me... However the Hubs and I are both receiving very similar comments basically telling that since we now have our baby boy we 'should' or 'need' to stop having any more kids... Hmmm yeah....?
This irritates me on so many levels...
1st I would never think it was up to me to determine how many children someone should or shouldn't have... especially in a committed and financially stable relationship.
2nd God tells us several times that children are a blessing, however most of the negative comments come while I am a church...I guess I could understand a bit more at the grocery store from random strangers, but I've been caught off guard from receiving most of the negative feedback from people at church, this is a response I would expect more from a worldly perspective.
3rd, what does this message say to my girls? Especially #2? That you weren't good enough, we had to keep trying till we got our boy? We adore our girls, they are a joy, and precious to us! My heart would be broken if either one of them ever felt that we didn't want another girl... so we kept trying for that boy.
Why does this culture we live in place so much more value on little boys? I love my little boy, but no more then my girls. God says that we are created equal in His image, yet boys are still seemed to hold more value. We don't go crazy like some countries, but America still seems to have its opinions on which gender holds more value.
Again another reason I continue to reject the "American Dream" whenever possible. And as for whether or not there will be more babies... Only time will tell, and Yes I know where they come from, how they are made, and thats a whole other blog post!
This irritates me on so many levels...
1st I would never think it was up to me to determine how many children someone should or shouldn't have... especially in a committed and financially stable relationship.
2nd God tells us several times that children are a blessing, however most of the negative comments come while I am a church...I guess I could understand a bit more at the grocery store from random strangers, but I've been caught off guard from receiving most of the negative feedback from people at church, this is a response I would expect more from a worldly perspective.
3rd, what does this message say to my girls? Especially #2? That you weren't good enough, we had to keep trying till we got our boy? We adore our girls, they are a joy, and precious to us! My heart would be broken if either one of them ever felt that we didn't want another girl... so we kept trying for that boy.
Why does this culture we live in place so much more value on little boys? I love my little boy, but no more then my girls. God says that we are created equal in His image, yet boys are still seemed to hold more value. We don't go crazy like some countries, but America still seems to have its opinions on which gender holds more value.
Again another reason I continue to reject the "American Dream" whenever possible. And as for whether or not there will be more babies... Only time will tell, and Yes I know where they come from, how they are made, and thats a whole other blog post!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Mr. T
Announcing the arrival of Mr. T!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Birth Story of #2
This is the birth story of my 2nd little girl! She was a source of Hope, her birth brought so much healing to me during the process!
I found out I was pregnant sometime in November 2008. Just like last time I had morning sickness pretty soon after finding out we were expecting. We again were thrilled to be welcoming another baby to our family! I knew I wanted something drastically different for a birth expirence then what had happened the 1st time around. I was committed to a natural non medicated birth more then ever! This felt like a 2nd chance! I quickly began getting my hands on any and every book I could find that related to a natural childbirth. During all the research I began learning more about Homebirth and Midwifery care. My mother in law had my husband at home almost 30 years before and had nothing but good things to share about the expirence so I decided to search for a midwife.
I found a local midwife within 30 minutes of us, and we set up an interview right away. I fell in love! She felt like a fairy god-mother! Everything was just so different then any typical OB office I'd ever been in. She was interested in me and my husband, there was no rush, and she was more then happy to answer any and all questions I had! We decided to hire her and move forward!
The pregnancy was pretty un eventful, the morning sickness even ended early this time (around 14/15 weeks) we decided to do the 20 week anatomy ultrasound and check for the babies gender while we were there we found out we were having another baby girl! I was pretty excited to have 2 of the same gender, especially because I never had a sister growing up. As we moved further into the pregnancy I so enjoyed spending time with the midwives, my 2 year old was welcome at every appointment and it had a big family feel to it. Midwives are actually more medical then people realize... each pre-natal appt. consisted of: chit chat about life, how I was feeling emotionally, a bit of education on nutrition and general pregnancy health, upcoming testing, checking my blood pressure, the baby's position and heartbeat! All lab work was available as well as ultrasounds, this wasn't barnyard pre-natal care like most stereotypes expect.
My midwife helped me prepare mentally for another post due date baby, helping me to understand that I just am a mom that cooks babies a bit longer then 40 weeks and that in most cases everything is fine and normal... Well my due date was August 9, 2009, and of course that day came and went! I was getting anxious, and afraid what happened during my first pregnancy (going 2 weeks overdue and an induction) was going to repeat itself. However, I woke up on Monday Aug. 10 with some mild contractions, they weren't much, I only knew contractions induced with medication (Pitocin) not natural contractions. They were about every 30 minutes, I had a meeting with my midwives assistant, and we were all excited knowing that birth was approaching soon! I was thrilled that my body was doing 'something' on its own this time! Unfortunately, Tuesday and most of Wednesday came and went with nothing!
I was once again finding myself pretty disappointed, I again just wanted to meet this baby! Wednesday night we put our 2.5 year old to bed and decided to get into our hot tub, we were outside soaking away (my favorite place to float!) and there was a meteor shower that night! We live in a coastal area with tons of fog and hardly ever see stars so this was a rare treat! We must have seen 40-50 shooting stars (or meteors) that night. We went back in the house to go to bed about 11:30pm. My husband was asleep pretty quickly as usual! About 12:30 my 2 year old came and got into bed with me (which was rare at this point, she usually slept through the night) she snuggled with me until I couldn't find a comfortable spot... My stomach kept cramping up, it took me awhile to realize the cramps were coming in intervals! I woke my husband up and had him return the now sleeping toddler back to her bed. He helped me time things for about an hour, by 2:00 am I could no longer lay down, or talk... things were intense and I told him I needed to stand up. When I stood up I felt the baby drop what felt like a few inches (Im sure Im over exaggerating but I felt that baby drop!). My hubby decided it was then time to call the midwives since we knew they were about 45 minutes out. He told them what was going on and they said they'd be here as soon as possible.
I labored on the couch in the living room while hubby started getting things set up, he had a pool to fill with water and tarps along with other supplies to drag out. By about 3:30 the midwives arrived. The contractions were about every 1-2 minutes and pretty intense... All I wanted was to get into the pool of water, but I had read about it stalling labor if you get in to early, so the midwife offered to check my dilation and see where we were at... she discovered I was already 9cm! I was shocked, elated, and just about cried with joy! It took over 46 hours to get to this point the first time and we were only about 3-4 hours into this!
I jumped into the water and the relief was absolutely amazing! Night and day difference from my first pregnancy! About 30 minutes later the midwife checked me again and told my hubby that if we wanted anyone else present for this birth he better call them ASAP! He quickly called both grandmas. I began pushing about 10 minutes later and never even noticed either one of the grandmas coming into the house. After about 20 minutes of pushing I soon delivered our 2nd baby girl into the water (In a kiddie pool on the kitchen floor of our house haha!) it was 5am on August 13, 2009! I will never forget the voice of the midwife saying, "Mama, reach down and pull up your baby!" She was here, and so calm, she just gazed into my eyes to the point where I wasn't sure if she was ok... she wasn't screaming like her sister... however no one else had even touched her, it was dim, peaceful, and loving environment! I soon handed our sweet baby girl off to her daddy while I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up, out of the pool, and into bed.
Unlike my first birth expirence where I passed out from all the exhaustion and medication about 20 minutes after she was born, this time I was on a natural high that I can't even begin to explain! I seriously could have cooked breakfast for everyone (glad they didn't let me)... but it was that different, I was fully present and aware of everything that was going on and so was our sweet baby! She latched about 20 minutes after being born and was nursing away! We were snuggled up in our bed getting to know each other! While resting in bed, the midwives took care of everything, they cleaned up the small (very small) mess before getting on to the newborn check part of the day. About 7:30 am our 2.5 year old woke up and got to meet her brand new baby sister! After the sisters had some time to get to know each other the midwives began the newborn exam (also in my bed, right next to me) and we learned that she was 8lbs 2 ounces and 21 inches long! Her middle name is Hope because I had been hoping that birth for both the baby and me would be different this time and it was! We didn't have any problems she was a super easy newborn, and nursed like a pro from the beginning! She actually never lost even an ounce! Recovery for me was beyond easy, even with some tearing, I was able to be on my feet being a wife and mom so quickly! It seemed to take about 6 months for me to adjust to being a mom the first time, this time it took us about 6 days... It was a true babymoon!
This expirence drastically changed my views on so many things, I realized I needed to question everything and find out why we do some things as a culture. It changed me as a mother for the better and I am grateful there are midwives who feel called to this work!
This sweet girl is now a fiesty almost 3 year old, who loves all things ladybug! She is also my girly girl by nature, she lives in dresses and loves like nobody I've ever met before! She is going to be my challenge in the future, but as a mom I can't wait to see who she grows up to be!
I found out I was pregnant sometime in November 2008. Just like last time I had morning sickness pretty soon after finding out we were expecting. We again were thrilled to be welcoming another baby to our family! I knew I wanted something drastically different for a birth expirence then what had happened the 1st time around. I was committed to a natural non medicated birth more then ever! This felt like a 2nd chance! I quickly began getting my hands on any and every book I could find that related to a natural childbirth. During all the research I began learning more about Homebirth and Midwifery care. My mother in law had my husband at home almost 30 years before and had nothing but good things to share about the expirence so I decided to search for a midwife.
I found a local midwife within 30 minutes of us, and we set up an interview right away. I fell in love! She felt like a fairy god-mother! Everything was just so different then any typical OB office I'd ever been in. She was interested in me and my husband, there was no rush, and she was more then happy to answer any and all questions I had! We decided to hire her and move forward!
The pregnancy was pretty un eventful, the morning sickness even ended early this time (around 14/15 weeks) we decided to do the 20 week anatomy ultrasound and check for the babies gender while we were there we found out we were having another baby girl! I was pretty excited to have 2 of the same gender, especially because I never had a sister growing up. As we moved further into the pregnancy I so enjoyed spending time with the midwives, my 2 year old was welcome at every appointment and it had a big family feel to it. Midwives are actually more medical then people realize... each pre-natal appt. consisted of: chit chat about life, how I was feeling emotionally, a bit of education on nutrition and general pregnancy health, upcoming testing, checking my blood pressure, the baby's position and heartbeat! All lab work was available as well as ultrasounds, this wasn't barnyard pre-natal care like most stereotypes expect.
My midwife helped me prepare mentally for another post due date baby, helping me to understand that I just am a mom that cooks babies a bit longer then 40 weeks and that in most cases everything is fine and normal... Well my due date was August 9, 2009, and of course that day came and went! I was getting anxious, and afraid what happened during my first pregnancy (going 2 weeks overdue and an induction) was going to repeat itself. However, I woke up on Monday Aug. 10 with some mild contractions, they weren't much, I only knew contractions induced with medication (Pitocin) not natural contractions. They were about every 30 minutes, I had a meeting with my midwives assistant, and we were all excited knowing that birth was approaching soon! I was thrilled that my body was doing 'something' on its own this time! Unfortunately, Tuesday and most of Wednesday came and went with nothing!
I was once again finding myself pretty disappointed, I again just wanted to meet this baby! Wednesday night we put our 2.5 year old to bed and decided to get into our hot tub, we were outside soaking away (my favorite place to float!) and there was a meteor shower that night! We live in a coastal area with tons of fog and hardly ever see stars so this was a rare treat! We must have seen 40-50 shooting stars (or meteors) that night. We went back in the house to go to bed about 11:30pm. My husband was asleep pretty quickly as usual! About 12:30 my 2 year old came and got into bed with me (which was rare at this point, she usually slept through the night) she snuggled with me until I couldn't find a comfortable spot... My stomach kept cramping up, it took me awhile to realize the cramps were coming in intervals! I woke my husband up and had him return the now sleeping toddler back to her bed. He helped me time things for about an hour, by 2:00 am I could no longer lay down, or talk... things were intense and I told him I needed to stand up. When I stood up I felt the baby drop what felt like a few inches (Im sure Im over exaggerating but I felt that baby drop!). My hubby decided it was then time to call the midwives since we knew they were about 45 minutes out. He told them what was going on and they said they'd be here as soon as possible.
I labored on the couch in the living room while hubby started getting things set up, he had a pool to fill with water and tarps along with other supplies to drag out. By about 3:30 the midwives arrived. The contractions were about every 1-2 minutes and pretty intense... All I wanted was to get into the pool of water, but I had read about it stalling labor if you get in to early, so the midwife offered to check my dilation and see where we were at... she discovered I was already 9cm! I was shocked, elated, and just about cried with joy! It took over 46 hours to get to this point the first time and we were only about 3-4 hours into this!
I jumped into the water and the relief was absolutely amazing! Night and day difference from my first pregnancy! About 30 minutes later the midwife checked me again and told my hubby that if we wanted anyone else present for this birth he better call them ASAP! He quickly called both grandmas. I began pushing about 10 minutes later and never even noticed either one of the grandmas coming into the house. After about 20 minutes of pushing I soon delivered our 2nd baby girl into the water (In a kiddie pool on the kitchen floor of our house haha!) it was 5am on August 13, 2009! I will never forget the voice of the midwife saying, "Mama, reach down and pull up your baby!" She was here, and so calm, she just gazed into my eyes to the point where I wasn't sure if she was ok... she wasn't screaming like her sister... however no one else had even touched her, it was dim, peaceful, and loving environment! I soon handed our sweet baby girl off to her daddy while I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up, out of the pool, and into bed.
Unlike my first birth expirence where I passed out from all the exhaustion and medication about 20 minutes after she was born, this time I was on a natural high that I can't even begin to explain! I seriously could have cooked breakfast for everyone (glad they didn't let me)... but it was that different, I was fully present and aware of everything that was going on and so was our sweet baby! She latched about 20 minutes after being born and was nursing away! We were snuggled up in our bed getting to know each other! While resting in bed, the midwives took care of everything, they cleaned up the small (very small) mess before getting on to the newborn check part of the day. About 7:30 am our 2.5 year old woke up and got to meet her brand new baby sister! After the sisters had some time to get to know each other the midwives began the newborn exam (also in my bed, right next to me) and we learned that she was 8lbs 2 ounces and 21 inches long! Her middle name is Hope because I had been hoping that birth for both the baby and me would be different this time and it was! We didn't have any problems she was a super easy newborn, and nursed like a pro from the beginning! She actually never lost even an ounce! Recovery for me was beyond easy, even with some tearing, I was able to be on my feet being a wife and mom so quickly! It seemed to take about 6 months for me to adjust to being a mom the first time, this time it took us about 6 days... It was a true babymoon!
This expirence drastically changed my views on so many things, I realized I needed to question everything and find out why we do some things as a culture. It changed me as a mother for the better and I am grateful there are midwives who feel called to this work!
This sweet girl is now a fiesty almost 3 year old, who loves all things ladybug! She is also my girly girl by nature, she lives in dresses and loves like nobody I've ever met before! She is going to be my challenge in the future, but as a mom I can't wait to see who she grows up to be!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Birth Story of #1
I never thought I'd be one to like reading birth stories... But I do. I've seen both sides of the birth spectrum, I have developed some crazy opinions, but most importantly I want to see a culture where women have lots of choices in how and where they birth. I believe our culture underestimates the transformation of birth. It changes who we are, ask a mother and no matter how old she is she will remember very vivid details of her birth experiences, how she felt, how the birth of her child either empowered her or defeated her. Unfortunately my first expierence with birth was one of defeat, but God is good and can use all things according to his purpose for those who believe!
So here is the story of how I became a Mama:
I found out I was pregnant on June 2, 2006 and we were both excited and nervous! This is what we really want... right? As we told family everyone was elated, and couldn't wait to find out more about this little bundle. My due date was February 3, 2007. I was sick right away, lost a ton of weight, and couldn't remember life without feeling like throwing up all the time. Other then that everything was going great and baby was healthy! We found out in November right before the holidays that we were expecting a baby girl!
We took a couples Lamaze class and read the traditional books about pregnancy and birth (What to expect when your expecting etc) and thought we knew enough and could handle this. My mother in law gently tried to warn me about the up coming events... in a very loving way. She had 2 children one in a hospital and one at home (my husband was born at home) and I thought she was crazy... Why would anyone choose home birth? She offered to be there for support and advised that this was also a first expirence for Daddy too, and not to place too much responsibility on him. We graciously smiled but continued to think we would be fine, we're a great team, and want to do this natural birth alone.
Well February 3rd came and went... and went... and went...........................................and went. I was confused... when was this baby going to come? I thought for sure she would have been born in January... but we were approaching Valentines Day and I was still pregnant! Unfortunately in all my traditional studies regarding birth... I missed the part about a due date being an 'estimate', I missed the part on trusting my body and fighting off negative comments from the rest of the world. I just wanted to meet this baby and be a mom already.
Feb. 13 (a Tuesday) I had another OB appointment... I was now past the dreaded 41 week mark and the Dr offered to induce that week. I didn't know any better, I tried to ask a few questions, so they offered an ultrasound and non-stress test. After the testing, the Dr. advised me to come in within the next few days for an induction because Placentas can start to deteriorate and calcify and in return cause problems or even a still birth! I did ask if that was the case for this pregnancy and was given a vague answer that it can happen anytime and I needed to come in by Thursday. I waited till thursday, not wanting to plan a Valentines Day baby on purpose. So Feb. 15, we went out to lunch, and then off to our induction date at the hospital.
When we arrived I was 41 weeks and 6 days, so 11 days overdue. I was nervous, anxious, and excited. I thought for sure I'd be holding this baby by dinner time! Well they started a dose of cydotec (ugh thats a whole other post) and I didn't respond to it, so of course 12 hours later they did another dose. Still no dilation, no effacement... no progress. Just a really hard be, no food, and a very rude nurse who was mean every time I had to take off the monitors to use the bathroom. After 24 hours of cydotec not working, the next Dr on call decided to go for the pitocin. Within about 30 minutes I was feeling contractions and wondering how in the world I was going to survive this until reaching 10 cm. I put up a good fight, and hung in there for about 14 hours, just breathing and working through the contractions until the Drs decided to do another cervical check... It had been 14 hours I had to be about a 7 or 8 by now... right? WRONG.... I was a 3, and devastated... exhausted and feeling defeated. Finally I decided to ask for some relief, the nurse laughed, and said, "Its about time..." again, more defeat, I was convinced I had no business making anymore choices regarding this birth.
I received a dose of something via my IV, it wasn't an epidural though. It helped I probably slept for a few hours, however when I woke up I was climbing the walls, the contractions were on top of each other with no break and I didn't know what to do... The lamaze class had talked about everything that I wasn't allowed to do... Change positions (Cant do that well with monitors) walk the hallways (yep wasn't allowed to do that either) shoot the class talked about how awful inductions were for both mom and baby in the first place and yet I hadn't avoided that either... I had failed as a mom and the baby wasn't even born yet.
Finally my husband surrendered and called his mom for help. We were in way over our heads. We had checked into the hospital Thursday at 1pm and it was now Friday evening at 11pm. She came and was the support we needed. A few hours after she had arrived I was visited by yet another Dr. The shift had changed again... This Dr. was the rudest yet... she came in and told me my body wasn't responding to the induction and when ever I was ready she was whiling to do a c/s. My husband and mother in law both asked if I or the baby was in danger and she replied, "Well not yet" so my hubby nicely told her no c/s we'll keep going with this until someone is in danger. Thankfully I survived another 12 hours until a new Dr. and the next was was great. It was his first shift at this hospital, he had just arrived from El Paso, Texas where he had a c/s rate of only 12% He was also the first person to tell me I was doing great, 1st babies take some time, and I could do this. He suggested an epidural so I could get some better rest and we agreed. As soon as the epidural took effect I was so itchy... so then I had to have benedryl for the itchy-ness, then I became sleepy from the benedryl... Ugh talk about a cascade of interventions...
About 4 hours later I felt my body 'pushing' and I couldn't stop it, it was uncontrollable! I told the nurses and they actually told me not to push, I didn't understand... Don't push? Why not? The response was the Dr was not on the floor and they had to call him. Can I just say, that trying not to push when your body is pushing is the most obscured concept in the entire world! The Dr. finally arrived, suited up and I finally delivered a precious baby girl! I still had more interventions though... during the delivery I still ended up with an episiotomy (not fun for the next few months by the way).
So Saturday afternoon at 2:30 I became a mommy! Its over, life will be a piece of cake now... right? WRONG again. I was so drugged from all the meds that I basically passed out about 10 minutes after she was born and didn't wake up for about 4 hours, I missed a lot. I missed her first diaper change, her daddy holding her, her bath, her weight and other measurements... I was too exhausted to care. About 7pm that evening I remember my husband waking me up and telling me I needed to try and feed the baby or the nurses were going to begin offering bottles of formula. I woke up and tried... it was really hard to stay awake. I felt so detached as the lactation consultant basically held my breast and fed my baby. Over the corse of the night I was able to focus a bit more, but still strangely detached and that actually lasted a few weeks. Baby girl was perfect and healthy, but lost a bit of weight and wasn't gaining as quickly as they would have liked... It took us about 3 weeks to get into a good grove and for her to feed like she was supposed to.
It was a rough journey, but it was ours. I often wish I could do it all over again. I eventually did with my other babies, however I feel like I didn't give this sweet girl the start to life she and I deserved. I have come to terms with the fact that it is her and my story and God wants me to use it to encourage other mommies to be to follow their instinct, trust their bodies, and always know they can ask for a 2nd opinion or seek out another Dr. Also sometimes the births we plan just don't go according to plan and we need to move on and work on healing. Healing has been a journey and Im pretty sure Im still not there yet. Because birth transforms us and it leaves the very first imprint on our hearts as a mother.
So here is the story of how I became a Mama:
I found out I was pregnant on June 2, 2006 and we were both excited and nervous! This is what we really want... right? As we told family everyone was elated, and couldn't wait to find out more about this little bundle. My due date was February 3, 2007. I was sick right away, lost a ton of weight, and couldn't remember life without feeling like throwing up all the time. Other then that everything was going great and baby was healthy! We found out in November right before the holidays that we were expecting a baby girl!
We took a couples Lamaze class and read the traditional books about pregnancy and birth (What to expect when your expecting etc) and thought we knew enough and could handle this. My mother in law gently tried to warn me about the up coming events... in a very loving way. She had 2 children one in a hospital and one at home (my husband was born at home) and I thought she was crazy... Why would anyone choose home birth? She offered to be there for support and advised that this was also a first expirence for Daddy too, and not to place too much responsibility on him. We graciously smiled but continued to think we would be fine, we're a great team, and want to do this natural birth alone.
Well February 3rd came and went... and went... and went...........................................and went. I was confused... when was this baby going to come? I thought for sure she would have been born in January... but we were approaching Valentines Day and I was still pregnant! Unfortunately in all my traditional studies regarding birth... I missed the part about a due date being an 'estimate', I missed the part on trusting my body and fighting off negative comments from the rest of the world. I just wanted to meet this baby and be a mom already.
Feb. 13 (a Tuesday) I had another OB appointment... I was now past the dreaded 41 week mark and the Dr offered to induce that week. I didn't know any better, I tried to ask a few questions, so they offered an ultrasound and non-stress test. After the testing, the Dr. advised me to come in within the next few days for an induction because Placentas can start to deteriorate and calcify and in return cause problems or even a still birth! I did ask if that was the case for this pregnancy and was given a vague answer that it can happen anytime and I needed to come in by Thursday. I waited till thursday, not wanting to plan a Valentines Day baby on purpose. So Feb. 15, we went out to lunch, and then off to our induction date at the hospital.
When we arrived I was 41 weeks and 6 days, so 11 days overdue. I was nervous, anxious, and excited. I thought for sure I'd be holding this baby by dinner time! Well they started a dose of cydotec (ugh thats a whole other post) and I didn't respond to it, so of course 12 hours later they did another dose. Still no dilation, no effacement... no progress. Just a really hard be, no food, and a very rude nurse who was mean every time I had to take off the monitors to use the bathroom. After 24 hours of cydotec not working, the next Dr on call decided to go for the pitocin. Within about 30 minutes I was feeling contractions and wondering how in the world I was going to survive this until reaching 10 cm. I put up a good fight, and hung in there for about 14 hours, just breathing and working through the contractions until the Drs decided to do another cervical check... It had been 14 hours I had to be about a 7 or 8 by now... right? WRONG.... I was a 3, and devastated... exhausted and feeling defeated. Finally I decided to ask for some relief, the nurse laughed, and said, "Its about time..." again, more defeat, I was convinced I had no business making anymore choices regarding this birth.
I received a dose of something via my IV, it wasn't an epidural though. It helped I probably slept for a few hours, however when I woke up I was climbing the walls, the contractions were on top of each other with no break and I didn't know what to do... The lamaze class had talked about everything that I wasn't allowed to do... Change positions (Cant do that well with monitors) walk the hallways (yep wasn't allowed to do that either) shoot the class talked about how awful inductions were for both mom and baby in the first place and yet I hadn't avoided that either... I had failed as a mom and the baby wasn't even born yet.
Finally my husband surrendered and called his mom for help. We were in way over our heads. We had checked into the hospital Thursday at 1pm and it was now Friday evening at 11pm. She came and was the support we needed. A few hours after she had arrived I was visited by yet another Dr. The shift had changed again... This Dr. was the rudest yet... she came in and told me my body wasn't responding to the induction and when ever I was ready she was whiling to do a c/s. My husband and mother in law both asked if I or the baby was in danger and she replied, "Well not yet" so my hubby nicely told her no c/s we'll keep going with this until someone is in danger. Thankfully I survived another 12 hours until a new Dr. and the next was was great. It was his first shift at this hospital, he had just arrived from El Paso, Texas where he had a c/s rate of only 12% He was also the first person to tell me I was doing great, 1st babies take some time, and I could do this. He suggested an epidural so I could get some better rest and we agreed. As soon as the epidural took effect I was so itchy... so then I had to have benedryl for the itchy-ness, then I became sleepy from the benedryl... Ugh talk about a cascade of interventions...
About 4 hours later I felt my body 'pushing' and I couldn't stop it, it was uncontrollable! I told the nurses and they actually told me not to push, I didn't understand... Don't push? Why not? The response was the Dr was not on the floor and they had to call him. Can I just say, that trying not to push when your body is pushing is the most obscured concept in the entire world! The Dr. finally arrived, suited up and I finally delivered a precious baby girl! I still had more interventions though... during the delivery I still ended up with an episiotomy (not fun for the next few months by the way).
So Saturday afternoon at 2:30 I became a mommy! Its over, life will be a piece of cake now... right? WRONG again. I was so drugged from all the meds that I basically passed out about 10 minutes after she was born and didn't wake up for about 4 hours, I missed a lot. I missed her first diaper change, her daddy holding her, her bath, her weight and other measurements... I was too exhausted to care. About 7pm that evening I remember my husband waking me up and telling me I needed to try and feed the baby or the nurses were going to begin offering bottles of formula. I woke up and tried... it was really hard to stay awake. I felt so detached as the lactation consultant basically held my breast and fed my baby. Over the corse of the night I was able to focus a bit more, but still strangely detached and that actually lasted a few weeks. Baby girl was perfect and healthy, but lost a bit of weight and wasn't gaining as quickly as they would have liked... It took us about 3 weeks to get into a good grove and for her to feed like she was supposed to.
It was a rough journey, but it was ours. I often wish I could do it all over again. I eventually did with my other babies, however I feel like I didn't give this sweet girl the start to life she and I deserved. I have come to terms with the fact that it is her and my story and God wants me to use it to encourage other mommies to be to follow their instinct, trust their bodies, and always know they can ask for a 2nd opinion or seek out another Dr. Also sometimes the births we plan just don't go according to plan and we need to move on and work on healing. Healing has been a journey and Im pretty sure Im still not there yet. Because birth transforms us and it leaves the very first imprint on our hearts as a mother.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Falling into Fall
Its October! We had our first sort of storm, so leaves were everywhere this morning! T has been asking to paint something for a few days now and I saw this awesome idea on Pinterest (If you haven't looked at Pinterest.com check it out!) so with leaves everywhere it was the perfect time!
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| Painting our leaves |
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| K, very proud of hers! |
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| This one was T's |
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| T's stamped onto paper (the black is a tree trunk) |
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| T's finished product |
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| T's 2nd creation, its an entire black and purple tree (without leaves...its fall) |
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| For being 2 K's came out awesome! |
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| This one was a group effort! |
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
There is... Sunday and there is Monday.....
(Think Adams Family song) There is Tuesday and there is Wednesday, There is Thursday and there is Friday... Then there is Saturday! Days of the week (clap clap), days of the week (clap clap)! Yes, we sing this cheesy song every morning as we do our Calender! The kids love it, beg for it, and it helps me get them dressed in the morning! I won't do the calender until they are dressed! This is the start of our school day!
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| We start by counting the days of the month to get to today! |
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| We also check the weather, They have the best time deciding what it looks like each morning, Also because we live near the coast the weather changes day long, and they are on top of it also changing the card all day long! |
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| Working on "Today, Yesterday, & Tomorrow" |
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| K is sure to include herself in on the action! |
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| Our Calender wall! Its actually located in our hallway! Wall space is prime real estate in our small house, but this spot seems to be working out just perfectly! |
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